In the past few years, I’ve become reliant on my own personal brand of spiritually. It is a necessary part of my survival. As a result, I’ve started to pay serious attention to what the universe is trying to tell me.
You can dismiss that kind of thinking as new age horseshit if you want, but being open to signs – and actually heeding them – has made a huge difference in not only my overall serenity, but also the basics of daily living. I have no doubt that these signs have been out there hovering in the netherworld all along. I’m just now starting to perceive how they apply to me.
My journey of self-discovery (you can read about here and here) has led me to chase my bliss on every level, personal and professional. In the process of doing that, I’ve developed a solid connection with a higher power – God, Great Spirit, whatever you want to call it. And I have found that the God of my understanding always gives me what I need exactly when I need it.
If I find myself wallowing in doubt or feeling insecure about my choices, HP finds a way to give me strength. As I have built my little freelance writing business over the past six months, every time I have a setback, I get some kind of message showing me the lesson or the blessing in it, or both.
It could be a literal road sign (a la “Bruce Almighty), a kind word from a stranger, a person coming into my life at a certain moment, a news story that puts my own life into perspective, or a big wakeup call like a traffic ticket or illness.
Most of my signs and messages aren’t earth-shattering, though. They are pretty dang simple, and usually subtle.
Case in point: When I drove to Target on Easter Sunday only to find it closed, I interpreted that as God’s way of telling me I didn’t need to spend money on random crap. Instead of getting pissed off at the inconvenience, I looked at my list, realized that I could live without every item on it, and drove home. (Thanks, HP. You saved me 50 bucks.)
Yep, you might say that I have an annoyingly positive outlook on life these days.
Anyhoo, I’m headed into Week 4 of life as a self-employed writer and media consultant, and the uncertainty of this choice poked me in the proverbial eye on Friday when, for the first time in 15 years, I didn’t get a second, biweekly paycheck in March.
Of course, I knew it was going to happen (duh!), but when the day came and I didn’t get that direct deposit, I had a moment of panic. I’ve got a bunch of invoices out, but no checks have come in on them yet. I’m not broke by any stretch, but I wasn’t prepared to do any creative accounting so soon after going out on my own.
On Friday, I was forced to completely re-evaluate my household budget and bill-paying schedule. I’m not ashamed to admit that I threw up a little in my mouth.
Logically, I anticipated this potential pitfall ahead of time, but emotionally, I was not at all prepared for the stomach-dropping feeling that consumed me for half the day. It, quite frankly, sucked.
But then, when I idly surfed Facebook later that day, I saw a couple disturbing posts on the page of one of my closest friends. When I called her, I found out that the bottom had literally dropped out of her life in a matter of a few short days.
I was stunned by the turn of events that essentially left her homeless, so you can imagine how SHE was feeling about it. Fortunately, she has so much love and support in her life that this will all amount to a temporary setback, but for now, it’s pretty damn scary. My heart goes out to her.
Needless to say, I took this as a sign I could apply to my own life – as freaked out and momentarily dejected as I was about the precariousness of self-employment, my friend’s situation showed me all the things I have to be grateful for, and that really in the grand scheme of things, I am OK.
I have a secure home and all of my basic needs met. And despite the fact that it pissed me off to move some of my savings over to pay my house payment, at least I had that money available. I may not know exactly what my workload is going to look like on a weekly basis, but I have done so much legwork and networking that I have faith that the jobs WILL roll in.
I got some other messages from the universe this weekend as well. I went to the Leonard Cohen concert at the Palace on Saturday night– which was exquisite, by the way – and it reminded me what a luxury a night out like that is, and how lucky I am to have so much love and laughter surrounding me.
I also spent time with family for Easter and ate my weight in the Ramsi’s brunch buffet, which also made me grateful for the abundance of love (not to mention food) I have in my life.
Other stuff that put my first-world problems into perspective was hearing an update on my ex-husband’s plight. He’s made some extremely unfortunate choices that have resulted in a really awful set of circumstances for him. I’ll always care for him, and I don’t wish him any ill will.
But selfishly, whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, all I have to do is utter a quiet reminder that my problems are microscopic in comparison with his.
Anyhoo, I am always on the lookout for signs that show I’m on the right track, that I need to take a detour or that I need to get off the rails altogether. Lately, all messages seem to be directing me in a straight line, or they are validating the path I have already chosen.
So thanks, Universe, for assuring me I’ll be fine. Glad I’ve finally got my listening ears on, and I can hear you so clearly!
About Amy Higgs
A former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After nine years, she's still just saying.