It was almost exactly a year ago this week that the shizz finally hit the fan in my marriage after a long, painful build. I look back on that time in my life now and wonder how I survived it in one piece. My best guess is that it was a mixture of unwavering love and support from family and friends, my own tenacity and a healthy dose of grace. Whatever the recipe, I am so grateful to be where I am today.
I don’t want to disparage my ex unnecessarily, but there were moments last year when I felt like I was cast as the tortured lead in a trailer park soap opera. It would be an understatement to say that this little suburban white girl was not at all prepared for that particular brand of crazy.
All told, here’s the primary lesson I learned the hard way: When you’re dealing with a relapsed drug addict, anything is possible. I mean anything.
I am so grateful I got out of that relationship relatively intact, and that I was able to recover and rebuild my life into something infinitely better than I could have imagined at the time.
What a difference a year makes.
Yes, I have made a calculated effort to shape my home and my life into a calm, drama-free sanctuary, and I am fiercely protective of it.
So the idea of inviting someone to share it with me is not at all appealing. At least not today.
A few months ago, I wrote about my attitude toward dating, and how I was planning to approach it with more openness than I had in the past.
Um, yeah. When I finally get around to dating, all of that stuff I wrote will be true. But right now, the timing just doesn't work. I am actively building my freelance writing and consulting business and establishing an identity apart from my role as a mom to my only son, who will be 18 in a few short weeks. All told, I'm realizing I am not nearly as open as I thought.
For the first time well, ever, I am completely happy on my own. This is not to say that I plan to become a spinster, and I am certainly not bitter toward all men. No, I just do not want or need a romantic partner right now.
I was talking to my BFF, Whitney, recently, about some of the minutiae of her marriage. You know, whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher or go to Kroger. I realized through that conversation that if I ever do end up in a relationship again, those are the kind of problems I want to have… normal people problems.
My relationship problems up to this point have included infidelity, lies, theft, manipulation, cops, sheriffs, detectives, courts and judges. Oh, and televised mug shots. I want to know what it feels like when your most heated argument concerns cleaning out the garage.
I’m certain that my drama-saturated relationship history is coloring my desire to embark on any new dating adventures for the time being. It dawned on me during my reconstruction and reinvention phase over the past year that I’m excellent at choosing partners who are ripe for calamity. I don’t know how to pick a normal one. So I’m not going to pick one at all. For now.
In the meantime, I’ve got a very full -- and very fulfilling -- life. My business is really taking off, and I’ve faithfully stuck to my New Year’s resolution to get back out in the world and be more social.
Speaking of “social” work, excuse the brevity of this post… I’m spending most of the week prepping to wrangle the media as publicist for a wonderful charity event that will launch the Derby party season on May 2, Ferdinand’s Ball. We are so excited to have UofL champion Peyton Siva as celebrity host.
The evening promises to be a perfect mix of work and play, and I am really looking forward to it. Read the news release here, or visit www.ferdinandsball.com for tickets.
Happy Derby, y’all!
About Amy Higgs
A former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After nine years, she's still just saying.