 Thanks to the Amy Reinvention and Reconstruction Project of 2012, I have accomplished quite a few of the objectives most people typically include on a New Year’s resolution list. I didn’t make a list at the beginning of the year, however.
I decided to adopt these sweeping life changes in July, the month I turned 40. Call it a mid-life crisis, an attack of vanity, whatever. All I know for certain is I set some goals, and I have actively followed through on accomplishing them. (And in typical Amy list-making fashion, I only wrote them down so I could check them off.)
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 It was around Christmas time last year when I finally grew the cojones to stand up for myself in the context of an extremely rocky juncture of my marriage.
Needless to say, it did not go over well, and it marked the beginning of the end of that relationship. I remember feeling very anxious and unhappy during the Christmas season, not to mention resentful of my husband for casting such a pall on my favorite holiday. This year, I am in a much better place on nearly every level, so I have been looking forward to Christmas for months. I decorated my house the day after Thanksgiving, I've been blaring Christmas music in my car every day since then, and –- as evidenced by my Facebook posts -- I went into a baking frenzy a couple weeks back. This year, the spirit grabbed me by the waist and vigorously spun me around on the evergreen-adorned dance floor, and I let it.  Like the rest of the country, I have been deeply affected by the horrific events in Newtown, Conn. My heart is so very heavy, yet I am certain I’m shouldering only a tiny portion of what must be the excruciating grief the victims’ families -- and the entire community -- are enduring right now.
Tragedies are agonizing to bear at any time of the year, but these events are especially painful because they occurred so close to Christmas. For the people directly affected, the holidays will forever be associated with horror. And that breaks my heart all over again. I could use this space to explore my feelings about the Sandy Hook shootings, the mental state of the shooter and how Friday’s events came to pass. How could this happen? Could it have been prevented? I don’t have any answers, but like most people, I have a desperate need to make sense of it all.  Sometimes, if I’ve got nothing better to do on a Friday night, I’ll hunker down with a cup of chai latte and watch that night’s marathon of wedding-related shows on TLC. “Say Yes to the Dress,” “Four Weddings,” “Along for the Bride,” “Brides of Beverly Hills.” Y’know, Diva TV. I am not ashamed to admit that I am drawn to that garbage like a gnat to a bare bulb. TLC wedding shows are trainwreck TV to me – so captivating I can’t look away.
What’s funny about my fascination with these shows – I am SO not that girl. See, I’ve had two weddings in my lifetime, both shared with the same man. We were together a total of seven years, and we split up for nearly the exact same reasons both times. (Apparently, those reasons weren’t quite clear enough the first time around. Our last installment was officially over in May. More on that another time.)  I’ve truly enjoyed using this space to share essays that detail my personal journey, and I am thrilled that a few people beyond my parents are reading my posts. But truth be told, I’m still trying to figure out what I want this blog to be when it grows up.
In the couple months since I launched my website, I have been satisfied to simply use this space as a public outlet for any old random topic I want to write about. And it turns out my favorite topic is me. (My inner circle of friends and family are collectively rolling their eyes right now.) |
About Amy HiggsA former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After 12 years, she's still just saying. Archives
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