 In less than 10 days, I’ll hit a milestone that officially will launch me into a brand new decade – my 40s. I will celebrate my 41st birthday on July 31.
Over 40. In my 40s. 40-something. Remember when we were kids, and that sounded so old? Yeesh. A lot has changed for me in the past year, and all of it has been good. And most of the changes have been deliberate, which is beyond cool. Last year’s 40th b-day was a big deal for me psychologically. Timing-wise, the second act of my marriage had just ended. The stress of that experience had literally sucked the life out of me, and I found myself at a crossroads. I’d been taking steps to improve my mental and spiritual well-being for a few years already – which is the ONLY reason I survived the end of the aforementioned relationship without medication -- but I had been neglecting my physical health for entirely too long. I’d also been limiting myself in other areas of my life, including my career. So on July 1st of 2012, I looked in the mirror and gave the sad, sallow 39-year-old in the reflection a stern lecture. I said, simply: “Girl, you have GOT to get your shit together.” And so I did.
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 Two damaged picture frames, a stuffed toy and novelty devil ears. A random assortment of useless crap? Maybe. God trying to tell me something? Definitely.
Bear with me for a minute. Coming up on five years ago now, I found myself just miserable enough to be willing to adopt a whole new prescription for living. With this prescription came a new arsenal of tools, which I continue to use in ongoing 12-step recovery work. These tools have made a tremendously positive impact on my emotional and spiritual well-being, and I don’t know how in the hell I lived without them for so long. To sum up … they make me happy. For realz.  It’s here!! The scorching sun, the baking pavement, even the sultry humidity. ... I am thrilled that the 2013 summer solstice has finally arrived.
Yep, I love, love, LOVE summertime. I’m the kind of person who, when asked if I would rather be really cold or really hot, my answer is always a resounding, H-O-T. The argument that you can put on more clothes when you’re cold but you can only take so many off when you’re hot does not fly with me. In the dead of winter, THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH CLOTHES. I do have to admit that last year, when temps hovered around 105+ degrees for weeks at a time, that was a bit much even for me. But this summer is shaping up to be flawless for this here beach baby. Unfortunately, the only “beach” I’ll see during my first summer as an entrepreneur is made of concrete. Fortunately, I’m a member at Lakeside Swim Club, so I think I’ll be able to make do.  I know I’m a little late with my post this week, but I’ve had a stressful couple of days.
On Sunday night, one of my dogs got very sick, to the point where I was on the phone with the emergency vet at about 1 a.m. And then at 7 a.m., I got the call that my 96-year-old great aunt, Jean Schipper, had finally passed away in her sleep in the wee hours of Monday morning after years of steady decline. I've written about how I am abnormally attached to my dogs, so you know that when one of them doesn’t feel well, it’s extremely upsetting to me.  As of this weekend, I think I can officially say that I’m a badass, tattooed biker chick. Yes, ME … prim, proper and petite Amy.
Oh, stop yer laughing. Let me ‘splain. See, when my son was born in 1995, I was a mere babe myself, at 22 years old. His birth — quite expectedly and understandably — cut short what might have been my carefree 20s. My life became about diapers and developmental milestones, not The Dead summer tour. Or any other adventures, for that matter. I had to become a responsible adult but quick. When other girls my age were blowing their paychecks on cute shoes, I was trying to finish college, work full time AND make sure my infant son had all his needs met.  Most of the time, I can cheerfully see all of my many, many blessings. I have lots of love and laughter surrounding me, and I’m lucky to be able to successfully (so far) freelance for a living.
I am very grateful for the peace and serenity that finally permeates my life after what seemed like an eon of turmoil. In fact, I spent so many years in perpetual chaos, adversely affected by certain others’ actions, that I have purposely and frequently sought out solitude during the past year. What I’m saying is — I am alone a lot, by choice. Over the holiday weekend, my self-imposed alone time turned into full-on loneliness, so I decided I wanted to get out of the house. |
About Amy HiggsA former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After 12 years, she's still just saying. Archives
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