 My only son, Ethan Blake Higgs, will celebrate a milestone birthday this week, on May 22, and I’m having some conflicting feelings about it.
Eighteen. My oh my, how time has flown. I can still remember our first day home from Baptist East Hospital in 1995, and how terrified I was that I would break him. I didn’t. In fact, I am thrilled to say I have successfully kept another human being alive and in one piece all the way from birth to adulthood. Other parents reading this know that sometimes, simply keeping our kids safe from physical harm is the best we can do.
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 It was almost exactly a year ago this week that the shizz finally hit the fan in my marriage after a long, painful build. I look back on that time in my life now and wonder how I survived it in one piece. My best guess is that it was a mixture of unwavering love and support from family and friends, my own tenacity and a healthy dose of grace. Whatever the recipe, I am so grateful to be where I am today.
I don’t want to disparage my ex unnecessarily, but there were moments last year when I felt like I was cast as the tortured lead in a trailer park soap opera. It would be an understatement to say that this little suburban white girl was not at all prepared for that particular brand of crazy.  In the past few years, I’ve become reliant on my own personal brand of spiritually. It is a necessary part of my survival. As a result, I’ve started to pay serious attention to what the universe is trying to tell me.
You can dismiss that kind of thinking as new age horseshit if you want, but being open to signs – and actually heeding them – has made a huge difference in not only my overall serenity, but also the basics of daily living. I have no doubt that these signs have been out there hovering in the netherworld all along. I’m just now starting to perceive how they apply to me. My journey of self-discovery (you can read about here and here) has led me to chase my bliss on every level, personal and professional. In the process of doing that, I’ve developed a solid connection with a higher power – God, Great Spirit, whatever you want to call it. And I have found that the God of my understanding always gives me what I need exactly when I need it.  I’m very grateful that my second week as a self-employed freelance writer and media consultant was even more hectic than the first. I happily juggled three clients and five projects, hitting all my deadlines with time to spare.
Two press releases I’d written got picked up by local media, including print and TV. And the validation via positive comments I got from pleased clients reinforced my choice to go solo. Good stuff all around. Add to the mix a last-minute houseguest for two nights (more on that in another post), and funeral visitation for a distant relative, and you’ve got one busy girl. By Friday, I was so tired that I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept until almost 9 the next morning.  Last week was, without a doubt, one the very best weeks I’ve ever experienced in my professional career. If I could have scripted a perfect first week on my own as a freelance writer, editor and media consultant, last week would’ve been it.
I started the week energized, feeling for the first time in years that I was at the mouth of a vast tunnel, beginning an exciting and important journey. While I can’t see exactly what’s waiting for me at the end of this new tunnel, there’s an intense, vivid light beckoning me forward. Last week, I took my first steps toward it.  This is my last week at a salaried job, and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Chaotic. Frenetic. Batshit crazy, if you will.
I’ve got tons to do to wind up my full-time gig, plus a couple big deadlines on the freelance writing front as well. And it just dawned on me that I have also managed to book myself for both work and social activities every single night this week. Can you say, “overextended?” Shoo. I am exhausted already. Oh, and have I mentioned that my first week as an entrepreneur, beginning March 11, is jam packed with deadlines and meetings, too?? No rest for the wicked, apparently. |
About Amy HiggsA former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After 12 years, she's still just saying. Archives
September 2020
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