Know thyself

There’s this marginally entertaining 1991 movie, “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead,” that stars Christina Applegate as Sue Ellen, a teenager who has to go to work to support her siblings when the babysitter her mom hired for the summer suddenly dies. In a not-at-all believable turn of events, Sue Ellen gets a job as an assistant at a fashion design company.
 
At one point, Sue Ellen’s boss, Rose, tells her that the only correct response to anything she asks her to do is, “I’m right on top of that, Rose.” So she says this over and over throughout the film.

While the movie is not worth much more than the celluloid it’s printed on, Sue Ellen’s canned reply is pure gold. It has stuck with me for 25 years because it IS me.

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Any goal, any project, any task, any request … by God, I am always right on top of it. I get shit done.
 
And for the most part, my overinflated sense of responsibility and hyper-conscientiousness (say that 5 times fast) are blessings, not curses. They have given me a lot of success in my career and kept my personal and home life in order. (I always pay my bills on time and never run out of coffee or clean underwear.)
 
I’ve been like this since I was a kid. I always turned in my assignments on time. I cleaned my room every weekend. My desk and closet were impeccably organized.
 
From the very beginning of my career, my co-workers and supervisors always knew they could count on me. I often had a killer workload only because they believed I was organized enough to handle it, unlike the more creative, big-picture types on staff. And I have to admit, checking tasks off my list quickly became a source of unmitigated joy for me.
 
I’ve learned, though, that any asset taken to the extreme can become a defect. I can lean toward being a rigid control freak. I can be my own worst guilt trip (not even my mother compares). And while I may not be clinically OCD, I can damn sure exhibit some of its behaviors. (How many times do I have to make sure the deadbolt is locked and my curling iron is unplugged before I leave the house? As many as four. Srsly.) 
 
But self-awareness is king. Or queen, as it were. The more aware I am of the negative tendencies my “get ‘er dun” abilities may induce, the better I am at taking a beat before I let them dive off the deep end. I'm not perfect, but I’ve been pretty successful at putting the brakes on, especially in these past few years.
 
But there is always more to learn about myself, and improvements to be made. That’s why I was excited when one of my wonderful clients recently asked me to participate in some team-building activities, one of which involved two different types of personality testing. What can I say, I’m a geek who likes to take tests.
 
The first test was called True Colors. Based on your answers, you are assigned four colors in order of dominance. My top color is Gold, which says I am loyal, dependable, prepared, organized and thorough. I like routine, rules and structure. I can also be inflexible and get mired in the details.

Well, duh. This test clearly works.
 
What was interesting was my secondary color, Green, in which I scored surprising close to Gold. Green means I am analytical, logical and a problem solver. OK, yeah. That fits. But it also says I am a visionary and a noncomformist.
 
What the what? I sure didn’t see myself that way before I took the test, but after some consideration, I can see where that totally makes sense. Those qualities must have risen to the surface when I decided to start my own freelance writing and consulting business four years ago. I had to dream it to do it, after all. Pretty cool.
 
And it only took 44 years, but the nonconformist in me has finally been unleashed. I have four tattoos and a nose ring to prove it.
 
Ahem.
 
So the color thing was enlightening, but where it got really interesting was when I got the results of the second test, the Predictive Index. The PI is one of the classic personality and work-style assessments. I may have taken it at the beginning of my career, but I don’t remember the results. I wish I did because I would love to compare them to who I am now. Anyhoo, the PI scores your needs for control (dominance), social interaction (extraversion) and stability (patience), as well as your need to conform (formality).
 
According to this test, I am not nearly the control freak I used to be (or thought I was). It also showed me that, while I am an introvert and need my alone time to recharge, it turns out I also crave collaboration. Maybe that’s why I go so jazzed about this two-day, team-building retreat with my client’s marketing team. I haven’t been part of something like that since I left the corporate world, and I found it surprisingly energizing.
 
In some ways I realize these tests are kind of like a horoscope. You can always see a little glimmer of yourself in them no matter what they hell the say, but they represent only a tiny piece of a much bigger puzzle.
 
I’ve taken quite a few of these tests over the years — Discover Your Strengths, Meyers Briggs, DiSC — and they all have said something similar. One actually told me that my ideal career is writer, which was a much-appreciated validation.  But each one also offered a new perspective, and that’s why I find them intriguing.
 
I don’t know about you, but I’ll take all the help I can get on my journey toward self-improvement. If these tests, therapy, 12-step recovery or, shit, even the tarot card reading my girlfriend does on my love life in her living room, give me something new to think about, they have value. It means my mind is still open to new ideas, and I haven’t stopped growing. I hope I never do.
 
I think it’s fair to say that, as far as my quest to become a better person, I will remain true to form.
 
Yep, I’m right on top of that, Rose.